I took Viagra and all I got was a bloody nose

I had heard all the stories. Three hour erections, the ability to go all night long, a hard on that just wouldn’t quit. So I tried it. What I got for my troubles was pain and embarrassment.

Well not so much pain, but I did score an uncontrollable nosebleed. And it wasn’t exactly Viagra® either but Sildenafil nonetheless even though it was sold under some local Indian trade name.

I remember when all the buzz about Viagra first started. I was just starting to have sex and my dick was sticking straight out most of the day anyway so other than laugh at the jokes around the little blue pill I had no interested in it. Years later after screwing around the world with hundreds and hundreds of women my rod was still stiff most hours of the day but I started to ponder the pill and what it could do for someone virile and permanently horny like me.

Erect on demand

I think my decision to try the medicine out for myself was inspired by three things. The first was a story from a friend about popping a pill and having a raging hard on all night long that allowed him to bang his wife five times in one night. I’ve had many five shot days but for him this was something really rare so it intrigued me. The second factor was that I found myself in a Southeast Asian country where pills could be purchased over the counter at any pharmacy without a prescription. The third and final factor was that I was trying out a bunch of massage parlors and I wanted to run the flag up the pole to see if I could get any response.

I should explain that last part. While I know of plenty of happy ending massage parlors where sex of some kind is basically guaranteed I still like to try out mainstream and iffy massage parlors to see if I can break any new round or find yet another outlet for my libido and special sauce. Over the years I’ve found that masseuses are more likely to ask me if I want a happy ending or simply go for the happy ending if I get hard during the rub down. When I was younger I would get hard each and every time I disrobed for a body rub. Nowadays it depends on my mood and what’s going on. Sometimes I have to conjure up some fantasy to make it visible. I can’t be sure but I think that I may have missed out on some opportunities because I wasn’t popping wood. Maybe I’m wrong; sometimes I get hard only for it to be completely ignored or for the masseuse to comment on my boner before going back to the rest of the massage. But I don’t think I am.

On this particular day I was a week into a visit and had spent several days scoping out massage parlors with varying degrees of success. I was told that things were easier here but my hit rate was less than 20 percent. I decided to rule out the “floppy cock gets no love” possibility by finally popping a pill. I went to a pharmacy near my room and asked for Viagra. I got a box of Indian pills that I later confirmed were the right stuff under a different name.

Afraid of a never ending stiffy I only took half a pill. Then I headed to a massage place I had visited before. I was sure they offered happy endings but I didn’t get one the first time around. This time I would find out to an absolute certainty. I stepped inside and booked a long oil massage session then I got naked and laid face down on the table.

The massage was passable but nothing special. The whole time I had an incredibly runny nose. I sometimes get stuffed up or have a runny nose or headache when I get a massage on a table with a hole in it for my face. I know massages are supposed to be about relaxing but for the life of me I can never get comfortable with my face in that hole. Maybe it’s because it resembles a toilet. Who knows?

I thought I just had another case of hole-caused sinusitis but it turned out something worse was at play. I didn’t notice what was going on until the flip. I should have known something was going on when the masseuse stopped rubbing me down for a few minutes and started peeling off paper towels like they were going out of style. Finally she tapped me on the shoulder. I thought I was being asked to flip. Instead she pointed to my bloody nose and offered me a handful of tissues.

To her credit she was very nice and professional about the whole ordeal. If I was her I probably would have run out of the room screaming. Instead she waited patiently for me to pinch off the nose and tilt my head back. Several minutes and attempts later I finally stemmed the tide and the blood stopped.

The massage continued on as if nothing happened and although she pumped my junk a few times I couldn’t even get it up. I took ED medication and all I got was a nosebleed. Later I learned why.

Erectile dysfunction pills like Viagra simply help your body to pump blood better. It can’t control the mental mechanism that triggers an erection. It’s for physical issues not mental ones. If you’re not turned on you won’t get hard no matter what the movies say. For a healthy guy like me with no problem getting hard they are no help at all and they can even cause problems. Nosebleeds appear to be a common effect but from what I’ve read there are other possibilities that are much worse.

So what about the guys who claim to get long lasting erections even though they can get it up without the pill? Maybe it’s a placebo effect. Maybe it just helps more blood pump to where their mind was already sending the red stuff. I don’t know. I’m not a scientist.

What is the moral to this story? There is none. A moral would mean that I am right or wrong or a role model. I’m none of that. I just write about sex and related adventures for you to enjoy. So please enjoy it, even if it means you laugh at my expense.

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